How did I get up from the bottom?
Text / Lixia
Lend me a beam of light to light up the darkness
Lend me a bright smile like spring
Every time I share my experiences, people always leave messages saying that I can give them a lot of warm energy. I am not surprised by the truth and sincerity in my words, because I am such a person; But I’m just an ordinary person. I don’t have a better life than everyone else. Why do you think I can warm them?
At first, I thought it might be because of my personality. The sincerity and steadiness conveyed by my words made everyone feel comfortable after seeing what I said. Every time they raise a personal growth puzzle, I can always share my practices, gains and feelings. Everyone sees that my current good state is really the result of my real efforts.
Thinking of this, I began to think that I have indeed changed a lot over the years. Is there any harvest for readers to learn from these changes? But if I just write chicken soup and say that as long as I make steady efforts, I can achieve the goal I want to achieve, it would be too boring. Who wouldn’t say that.
People who want to know more want to know what kind of thinking mode and effort methods have enabled me to achieve my goals. This is what I have summarized after thinking all day. I hope these personal experiences and experiences can help you.
I graduated from a three-year college, majored in law as a bachelor, passed the national examination for 10 years, and now I am working in government departments and units in finance; I have known Mr. Charles for 10 years. Since the beginning of November, I have been in love in different places. After 13 years of marriage, I have been in different places for three years. At the end of 2016, I was reunited. In September this year, he resigned and we continued to live in different places.
These are the basic information of my eight years. Why do I say these first? Because these facts have run through my life in recent years, and it is in such a situation that many people are not optimistic that I have rushed out to complete my self-growth and thought jump.
What’s the problem? Why do many people think it’s bad?
The answer is that my family lives in the urban area, and I was admitted to a county unit under the jurisdiction of the city. The two places are more than 90 kilometers apart. The Municipal Bureau has not recruited personnel from lower level units for many years, and it is difficult to transfer them to their hometown, because my father is only a small staff member, my family has no background and economic strength, and my parents also hope that I can earn face for them.
It’s a long way to go back to my hometown, and it’s even more difficult to transfer to the city where my husband works. Long distance love and long-distance marriage are a path that people around me don’t like and approve of. They are not going to laugh at me, but they definitely think it is extremely difficult for me to complete these things. They not only need money to manage, but also need awesome people to match up and cooperate.
But the result was that my father didn’t spend much money to find anyone, so I was admitted to the Municipal Bureau in September, 2013, and we didn’t spend much money to find anyone, so I was transferred to Mr. Liu’s city job in August, 2016. During this period, before marriage, my husband borrowed a loan to buy a suite in city b where he worked. After marriage, I borrowed a loan to buy a suite in city a, my hometown. This year, we sold the house in city a and replaced it with a big house in city B, where we now live.
The way for civil servants to rise is very narrow, and their income is very limited, but I have really completed the job rotation and economic accumulation through my own efforts. How can I do this should be the answer that my friends particularly want to know, and it is also the source of the power I think I have to warm others now.
I have summarized my experience in the past few years in three words: acceptance, commitment and action, which are explained below.
First, accept the fact that I can’t change and face the real life.
When I first started working, I knew that no one could rely on me if I wanted to go back to my hometown. This idea came into being not only because the family was not awesome, but also because I had developed an independent attitude and the idea of not being attached to people since I was a child.
This is because I have a big shadow. When I was studying, my father often said that my tutoring cost him a lot of money, but his grades were still bad! This complaint is a real gnashing of teeth, mixed with hatred of iron and deep disappointment. Many years later, I carefully recalled these situations, and confirmed that his complaint was a real emotion, and that he had undertaken a great family responsibility in his emotion, but I could not give him an account of the complaint.
When I heard these words as a child, I would only cry, feel wronged, and feel lonely. Why do you feel lonely? Because the book says that parents also say that the people who love themselves the most and give themselves the most selfless service in the world are parents.
Then I wonder, if the people who love me most in the world are my parents, why can’t they accept my bad? True love a person should be able to accept all of him! So my conclusion is that my parents, or my father, do not love me wholeheartedly and sincerely. He only wants to love what he wants me to be. He rejects and hates other me.
Similarly, if I can’t get the selfless love of my parents in this world, I can’t count on the love of others, such as friends, classmates and future partners.
So I have such a consciousness since I was a teenager: I can’t rely on anyone, even my parents; I will be lonely, so be strong.
This idea made me quickly put aside my complaints about my environment and swallow all my dissatisfaction. I told myself that I was so good at it. I could only get three copies in a year of re reading, and only one unit in a year of civil servants. I was so bad, but I didn’t spell the test results. When others relaxed and enjoyed life, I had to keep trying to catch up with the gap.
This is my attitude towards life after my first year at work. After a few days, I quickly entered a state of preparation to learn business, continue to take the exam, learn accounting knowledge, and continue to take the exam.
I don’t have no choice. I can count on my family to help me transfer like my colleagues who joined the company a few years earlier. I can also hope to marry a second generation of officials and a second generation of rich people like my female colleagues of the same age. These are all very normal options and the way my family thinks I should go.
But I wouldn’t, because I don’t trust anyone in my heart, including my parents. This sense of insecurity and mistrust always surrounds me. Even if I can’t do it today, I will try my best to accumulate workable capital for tomorrow. This can be said to be stubborn.
Second, I should bear the responsibility and not complain about anyone other than me.
Knowing that you can only rely on yourself, you have to bite your teeth and assume your responsibilities. This is really no choice.
At that time, I didn’t know when the city would enroll for the examination, let alone when the two people would be reunited. The goal I set for myself was &mdash& mdash; Learn more business, get a lawyer’s certificate, and learn accounting to get an accounting certificate. In this way, I can resign even if I have no way to go. After resignation, I need these certificate skills to support myself. The purpose of my research is not so easy to learn, but to prepare for my resignation.
In the past three years, I worked in the hall of the county bureau. I was almost full-time. When I was busy, I had to look at the space when I went to the toilet to drink water. In that case, I carried a book on my desk every day and took the time to read a real topic. I failed to pass the examination for three years and gave up. My husband said that I had no talent in law. It was a waste of time, but he was hard to beat me in those years; Later, I gave up law and began to study accounting. After passing the elementary and intermediate examinations, I returned to my hometown. I felt that I was too tired to learn when I had enough.
Learning is easy to say and difficult to do. After work, people should remind themselves to stick to reading and learning every day. In leisure time, people are busy playing with me and reading. When people fall in love, we exchange business. People don’t have to worry about the house down payment. We have to save our money.
However, I didn’t feel bitter in those years. I felt that I had a unique momentum and a sense of excitement that I could finally control my own destiny. I’ve been brainwashing myself that it’s too late to get any results now, but I have to be fully prepared for an opportunity in the future. This is what I have no choice but to comfort myself.
Although chicken soup, but essential. I often tell myself that I chose my own road and boyfriend. No matter how miserable the outcome is, I can’t blame anyone. I choose to bear it by myself.
I don’t know whether the opportunity is really reserved for those who are ready, or whether I am really lucky. After spending three years smoothly, the leaders of the Municipal Bureau changed, and I was really recruited. I ranked in the middle and returned to my hometown. My father was more excited and satisfied than I was just admitted to the civil service, because I earned face for him with my real skills.
Third, take action to make changes and polish your temper and ability.
I have a very thin skin when I just joined the company. I think I must have made a mistake when the director glances at me more; My colleague whispered a few words, and I felt that he was saying how I chose such a boyfriend.
If you don’t learn the law well, you won’t be able to operate the basic computer. You can only laugh and nod when dealing with people. You can’t work with people and share responsibilities at all. You are also very glass hearted. You are surrounded by a closed environment. Anyway, you just feel that you are lucky enough to be admitted to the civil service. This is my mentality eight years ago.
The pot is broken. Anyway, that’s it. Learn with your head down.
At work, I was almost cheated by colleagues who had ideas. Fortunately, I asked my old colleagues a few more words and didn’t make any mistakes; Slowly, I learned how to deal with business, people and interpersonal relationships with many kind-hearted predecessors and masters.
Learn to see more, ask more, spend more time, can also pass the qualification and primary; My father was happy to learn that I was practical and patient.
Emotionally, he is very kind to him, especially honest. When he slowly shows the defects of his character, he slowly runs in and changes. He tolerates me and me; Two people make progress together, cooperate together, grow, save money and buy a house.
In life, I have conflicts with my parents, entanglement, fear and guilt. I toss and turn or choose a way that makes me feel comfortable; Dad felt sad at the beginning. After a long time, he was relieved to see that I was very happy.
In life, we should follow our own temperament and do what we like. We can’t do anything special, but we do different things in small things.
This problem seems simple, but it is actually very important, because when everything is done in a comfortable way, your mood will be good, your attitude towards people around you will be good, and then naturally the environment and atmosphere will be different.
At that time, I was learning to slowly transition from the entanglement of listening to the opinions of my parents or others to the freedom to choose my own comfortable way of doing things. The greatest advantage of this change was that it brought complete freedom of mind and relaxed spirit of the whole person.
The original reason why I feel bad is because of entanglement. The reason for entanglement is that there are several options. Several options show that I am weighing. The reason for weighing is that I want to do this and that. But nothing can be perfect. For example, if you want to wear this dress today, you can’t wear that one. If you want to be happy, you can’t necessarily satisfy your parents.
Since we always have to choose, why should we give up our own feelings? My instinct guided me to gradually strengthen my choice. This process of gradually strengthening made me clearly realize how important it is to respect my heart!
Only if I really want to do it, can I go all out. Only if I pursue it with all my strength, can I succeed. Only if I succeed again and again, can I be recognized by my parents and let them be satisfied and at ease.
So my advice to others is to act according to your own heart. Your instinct knows what you want and where you want to go. Although this instinct also requires constant adjustment and change in various situations, independent change must be much smoother and more effective than what others force you to change.
When I looked back at those days, I felt special emotion, because I personally experienced the process from low to high, from low self-esteem to self-confidence, and because I never knew what to do to have a clear goal, from often sad to calm, I knew the taste and understood the repetition of the process and the long road.
The sunshine, warmth and positive energy I can give you are the light emitted by the harvest from life. I can also use these feelings and experiences to verify every book I read now and know that the words in the book are true.
I am an ordinary person without a high career and resume, but I believe that there are many ordinary people like me, who struggle in their own lives.
They just need a look, a word of trust and a smile, just as I needed the affirmation of people around me as much as I needed the air. They need to know my past and present, not to learn from me, but to know that all their persistence is useful, because they know that we are the same people when they see these not particularly clear path words written by me.
I don’t want to shine, warm others, just be myself.
So I want to responsibly tell my friends that as long as you are sincere, hard-working and persistent, you can really achieve your goals. Even if the road is far away and the result is unsatisfactory, the process is a harvest. It is more important to go on than to go to the destination, because only by going on can you meet more beautiful and more complete yourself.
When you find yourself, that comfortable self, your world will be different. Just as I meet you now, you are the harvest in the process of finding myself.
Don’t want to go to the bottom of life. These three points need to be discarded. Do these three things well. The lower the pressure, the higher the bounce. Stop thinking. Only by taking action can we get out of the bottom of life. It takes a few steps