Narrator: Tian Ye, 26 years old, from Chengdu, doctor
Telling place: The terrace of the interview center of this newspaper
In 2004, Tian Ye, a senior, met a grieving and charming married young woman named Liang Lan, and fell into the “Gentle Township” woven by Liang Lan, unable to extricate himself. Three years later, Tian Ye looked back suddenly and found that he was paying for the youth and ignorance with “fallen”. He wanted to say goodbye to the absurd life, but the love affair in the past was constantly cut and unreasonable, becoming a lingering shadow…
A young woman with a grudge in her senior year
In 2003, I was 22 years old and a senior at a university in Chengdu. I am a class cadre with outstanding ability and excellent academic performance. I was assigned to a large hospital for an internship, and I am full of expectations for the future. However, a chance encounter quietly closed the door to a bright future for me…
The university period was my “love vacuum period”. I was conscious of being full of economics, thinking about the world, and wanting to stand out, and because I came from a rural area and was conservative in thinking, I rejected the pursuit of many girls. Until my senior year of internship, I suddenly had an idea: Before graduation, I would experience a beautiful first love.
In mid-October 2003, I sent a dating message on a certain radio station: I hope to make friends with girls who are destined. I deliberately emphasize that I am a doctor, which is a noble and honorable profession. Soon I received a call from Liang Lan. She said that her husband had been sick for many years and spent a lot of money, and she couldn’t bear it anymore, and asked me if there was any need for treatment for this disease. She spoke softly and kept sighing. I guess this is a beautiful and tired woman, and I am eager to help her.
Since then, I have often called to comfort Liang Lan. I learned that she worked in a foreign company and was 5 years older than me. Her husband was hospitalized for a long time due to illness, and she took care of her 4-year-old son alone. For “Pomeranian Smile”, I racked my brains and came up with all kinds of sweet words. At noon on October 18, Liang Lan called and asked me to meet. I was very excited and chose the date at my university.
My heart skipped a beat when Liang Lan appeared in front of me, it was the first time I dated a woman alone. I looked at her quietly. She has an exquisite figure and a plain face, looking like a traditional “good family woman”. We sat in a small booth at the school and communicated in Mandarin. I showed her photos from the university, and told my brilliant student days, full of passion. She listened obsessively, and there was a tender light in her eyes, which gave me a sense of accomplishment.
Later, we went to a hotel. As soon as I entered the door, Liang Lan threw herself into my arms… For the first time, I knew what “male love and female love” is. I asked Liang Lan to call the company to “please sick leave”. Liang Lan smiled softly and said, “You are a careful man!”
After the separation, I had no intention of going to work, my mind was in chaos, struggling between self-blame and desire. Liang Lan’s shadow is always shaking in front of me, but I dare not call her, she is a married woman, it is immoral for me to do so!
A week later, one night, Liang Lan called me and asked me to pick her up from get off work. When I arrived, Liang Lan made a cup of hot tea to warm my hands. Her thoughtfulness killed my last sanity. We had a second relationship.
Since then, we have become more and more close, and Liang Lan is often like a big sister, helping me in life. And she is desolate, lonely, no one loves her, we are like trees and vines, inseparable…
At home, I was scolded by my father for having an affair
After the initial passion passed, I felt panic and uneasy. This relationship between Liang Lan and I is shameful and can only be sneaky. Our meeting place is always the hotel. This kind of feeling has nothing to do with the romance and warmth I originally imagined.
In the eyes of outsiders, Liang Lan is almost a perfect woman. She is young and beautiful. She has taken care of her husband for many years. She is filial to her in-laws and raises her son with her own salary, but she has never thought of divorce. As for me, I have a decent job, and I am a good man with a bright future. We both have a halo on our heads, but we live a “darkness” life, which is too depressing.
One day in the winter of 2004, Liang Lan and I were on a date at the hotel. I gave her two scarves, one for her and one for her son. Liang Lan was very moved, she leaned on my shoulder and said, “You are still an intern, you don’t have any money, you don’t have to spend money, you can just have me in your heart!” I saw that the atmosphere was good, so I tentatively asked Liang Lan, “The sun is very bright today. Well, let’s go shopping together, I’ll treat you to dinner!” Liang Lan shook her head, turned on the TV, and casually watched soap operas without looking at me.
I stood in that little house in despair. This time, I realized that all my efforts were in vain. After getting to know Liang Lan, I was isolated from my open and honest relationship!
However, as long as Liang Lan makes a phone call, I will still meet her. After dating for half a year, Liang Lan paid all the money for opening a house, and I felt that my face was dull. After a warm saving, I asked Liang Lan: “How about, I’ll take you to my house and keep the money for your son!” I took Liang Lan to find the way and told her: “You must remember the route, in the future, I will not I will come to pick you up, the neighbors saw it and wanted to make irresponsible remarks.”
I live with my father, he helps people look after the shop, leaves early and returns late. Liang Lan and I were having an affair at home safely. Once, Liang Lan came out of my room and bumped into her father. When she saw a woman with disheveled clothes standing at home, her father was stunned! Father is an authentic peasant, honest and honest, he didn’t say a word to Liang Lan, and saved her enough face.
After Liang Lan escaped, I saw a cloudy tear dripping from my father’s eyes. I am speechless. My father glared at me and scolded: “She is the married woman, right? The neighbor told me, I still don’t believe it! I paid you for college, and you learned like this!” I have two choices: “Either, you move out, live with Liang Lan, and cut off the relationship between father and son; or you can find a girl and fall in love seriously!”
That night, I tossed and turned in bed alone, and I thought about it a lot. After graduation, in order to date Liang Lan, I often lied and asked for leave from the work unit, but nothing was accomplished. I don’t know if Liang Lan really likes me, I’m afraid I’m just a tool for her to relieve loneliness. I think the only turning point in this relationship may be her divorce.
I approached Liang Lan to discuss “divorce”, but her reaction completely broke me down. She came up with a clever “compromise”: I would marry a woman, take care of the children in my hometown, and take care of my mother; I would continue to maintain an “underground relationship” with her in Chengdu… I think I should leave Liang Lan !
Soon, because of my poor performance at work, I had to leave the hospital on my own. I started looking around for a job. Introduced by a friend, I went to work in a bank. I declare to the outside world that I have never been in a relationship, and I hope my colleagues can introduce me to a girlfriend. Perhaps Liang Lan sensed my indifference, and she started texting me non-stop. “I miss you” “Let’s meet” “I was scolded by my mother-in-law today, I’m in a bad mood, stay with me”… I want to see me in a different way! I was afraid that she would come to the unit to find me, and I had to perfunctory her and satisfy her.
We still continue to meet, and there is no tenderness in my heart. Our date has only one theme, and that is “sex”! I started sleeping through the night, had headaches, and dropped things. Life is a mess…
Make a new girlfriend but be entangled by her
In April 2005, our classmates reunited. Two years after graduation, everyone lived a good life, some bought a car and a house, and some got married. I sat in the corner, deeply inferior, determined to leave Chengdu and get rid of Liang Lan’s shadow completely!
I think it’s better to say goodbye to Liang Lan. One evening in late April, I called Liang Lan for a walk by the river. I told her I was going to Singapore and I had friends doing business there! In order to stabilize her, I lied and said, “When I make money and have a career, I will be able to support you!” Liang Lan is not a fool, she should know what I think, but she is powerless to stop it. She nodded: “let’s go, you went out to be deceived and hurt, come back. I’ll wait for you!” That day, we kissed and said goodbye by the river, and I had a little nostalgia for her again. I think: she still loves me, but she has her difficulties!
I didn’t go to Singapore, it was made up at random. I went to Yiwu, Zhejiang, to seek refuge with friends and learn to do foreign trade business. My mind is full of poetic and picturesque, and I don’t get along with those small businessmen at all. I think, if you can start a family in Yiwu, you can rely on it. However, after several blind dates, I found that Yiwu is a typical commodity economy society, and people who don’t look very good also have millions of properties. If you want to go on a blind date, the other party will ask your “family background”. A poor stranger like me is not qualified to get married at all. My foreign trade business is also very difficult. The money I make is only enough to feed myself. When I was the poorest, I only had 300 yuan left.
I didn’t dare to tell my parents what happened to me. They all thought I was very beautiful, so I held on like this for a year. In 2006, my father called me and told me that my brother was getting married and asked me to send money back. I bite the bullet and tell my father, “I don’t!” My father didn’t say much, and hung up the phone. I imagined the way my father ran into the wall by borrowing money everywhere, and my heart was sore. He was right, he paid me for college!
I felt so uncomfortable, I couldn’t help calling Liang Lan. She is still so gentle, tell me, waiting for me! Later, she often sent text messages to persuade me to come back.
In September 2006, I came back! Liang Lan came to pick me up at the train station. After a lapse of a year, she has become fashionable and her makeup is exquisite. When I said I was going to start a new life, Liang Lan agreed to let it go, and even said, “If you want to go on a blind date, I will accompany you to choose suitable clothes and dress up nicely!”
Later, I went to work in a small clinic, and my life was very regular. Liang Lan doesn’t stick to me much anymore, and occasionally sends text messages to greet me. I feel very grounded in these peaceful days.
On October 28 this year, my college classmate introduced me to her cousin Wenwen, who worked in a company after graduating from college. We have been together for a while, and both sides have good feelings for each other. I didn’t tell her about Liang Lan, hoping to hide this shameful stain.
I think that Liang Lan and I have nothing to do with each other. Once, I told her about making a new girlfriend. Liang Lan screamed on the phone, and half an hour later, she rushed directly to my house and picked up my phone to find the phone. I had been on guard against her for a long time, and changed the name of Wenwen that I had saved to a man’s name, but a woman’s intuition was too terrifying, and Liang Lan actually found out from the text message! She immediately called my new girlfriend and said aggressively, “I’m Tian Ye’s wife, don’t pester him!” This woman just doesn’t want me to live a good life, she just wants me to be like a mole and never see the sun! I told her calmly: “This fuse, you ignited, you go, I will never pay attention to you!” Liang Lan seemed to be frightened, and begged me: “Let me explain to you, I was wrong!” I’m tired of it! The big deal, I figured, is that I just fell out with my new girlfriend, and I’ll never look back!
Liang Lan said, I hope I won’t be so heartless and give her some affection. To end it, I have to take it slow and give her some time. For 3 years, I have exhausted all my energy for this absurd relationship, leaving only exhaustion. Actually, I want to ask her to give me a chance to live and work like a normal person. Is this asking too much?
It was 12 o’clock in the middle of the night when I received a text message from Tianye: “I am to blame, but if a person makes a mistake, will he never be able to turn over? I live in fear every day, being controlled by others… I swear, I will do whatever it takes Get rid of her, I hate being a mole!”
A few days later, Tian Ye walked into the interview center of this newspaper. He was wrapped in a gray coat, his hair was sparse and messy, showing an abrupt forehead, and he looked older than his actual age. He handed over a beautifully printed business card and said, “This is an absurd play, this is a real person! It’s up to people to judge right or wrong, I don’t want to hide!” Tian Ye is from Sichuan, but he speaks Mandarin The narration, the voice is low, and the words are extremely gorgeous and vivid, as if it is a narration dubbing of a movie. In the play, love, morality, sex, future, money… all kinds of elements are mixed together.
In order to experience beauty and happiness, Tian Ye tried to find love, but in ignorance, he fell into a “deranged love” with a married woman, and embarked on a road that ran counter to happiness, and went further and further. Three years after graduating from college, it was a prime time to work hard for his career. He could have found his own love… But, he missed it all.
He said that he doesn’t need comfort, and no one’s comfort can restore his inner peace. He just wanted to tell his story and remind young people who have not yet been deeply involved in the world: distinguish between love and temptation, and don’t lose yourself in temptation. “I’m very sorry that I have delayed my most precious 3 years because of a spur of the moment!” Tian Ye said, “I just want to say goodbye to the past, work hard, and live in the sunshine!” Bought the bill and accepted the impulsive punishment. I wish Tian Ye can truly walk out of the shadows and find his own life.