Source: wechat official account: Jiubian has been authorized to reprint
I’ve been thinking about this problem for too long. I’m not thinking about “what’s wrong with this society”, but I’m thinking about myself. After all, as a senior town questioner, I’ve passed the college entrance examination in a small place and now I’ve seriously exceeded my expectations. Looking at the people around me, I’m not much worse. If there were no college entrance examination, I would have gone to the construction site. It’s also strange that I can settle down in the capital now. Does everyone feel relaxed and low pressure?
did not.
Now think about it, the root cause was mainly planted when I was young. The conditions were too poor at that time. Of course, it was not my family that was poor, but the whole society was not good. Our generation was taught from childhood that “if you don’t study hard, you have to herd sheep”. From that time on, you have stamped the “sheep brand” on the “bottom firmware of thinking”, and actively sacrificed all the current quality of life. It seems that you live for the future.
This kind of mentality may be a kind of “struggle” mentality in the long run, which is relatively beneficial to personal development, but it will inevitably sacrifice the current sense of happiness. One day, when you look back, you will be surprised to find that you didn’t do what you wanted to do at the beginning. Now you finally have the conditions to do it, but you are no longer young and do not want to do it. And up to now, there are no really healthy hobbies.
And I found that this kind of mentality is not unique to us, but it is basically the case for those who have been poor.
When there were no restrictions on going abroad a few years ago, I often went everywhere. I had to deal with foreigners for work. I also found a problem. Among European foreigners, those who were about my age were generally more comfortable, because at that time Europe was already very developed and they had no worries about food and clothing since childhood.
However, the older people, such as those in their 70s, that is, those born in the 1950s, whether they are British, French or German, have different ideas from those born in Europe in the 1980s. On the contrary, they are somewhat similar to mine.
Because Europe in the 1950s was not as rich as it is now, they were not very rich at that time. The war destroyed the country, and it was not until the 1960s and 1970s that they recovered. Therefore, people born in the 1950s were not rich when they were young, resulting in a sense of security later. These old people are much more careful than younger ones, and they have much less recreational activities. It is not that they are unwilling to go out when they are old, but that they also think they should save money well when they are young. If they save enough, they will not have to live as children in the future.
When I was young, or when I was young, my imprint really goes with my life.
I often talk with people around me. We think that we should not return to the state of poverty and poverty in the past. But the sincere fear in our hearts can hardly be overcome. We always want to save money. Only when we have a deposit can we have a sense of security. And habitually postpone enjoyment, and even many people feel guilty about enjoying life.
Of course, this is not the crux of the problem. Most of the pain of adults is compared.
I once told a story that happened to me. When I first joined the company after graduation, I caught up with the company and gave me a bonus of 7K within a few months. At that time, I was extremely happy and felt that it was a waste of money. After all, it was really enjoyable to give money before the training was over.
Then a friend who had the best relationship with me stretched out three fingers. I thought it was 3k, but I didn’t think it was 30K. The pain at that time is still vaguely felt today. Now I have climbed to the top of my former leader. Every time I see him, I will still remember my original unhappiness. I often want to ask him if he is ill.
However, my little partner left the company later, because one year the company gave me a large amount of stock options, and compared with me, he could not read them. He told me that anyone who earns so much more than him can understand and accept it, but he can’t accept me. Whoever wants me to be his friend, I am his “anchor point”. If he deviates too much, he will collapse, and then he will leave.
If you are a person who likes comparison, with the transparency of the current society, the continuous pressure in life is basically uninterrupted, because no matter how awesome you are, you are in the middle of your social circle. If you insist on this and that, you will find that there is really no less joy in life. No matter how much you earn, you are nothing compared with those high-ranking people around you. Moreover, many people have their own starting line, which is higher than the finishing line of most people.
In this regard, I think everyone should learn from old Beijing. Beijing people are people who have seen the world. The emperor of Zhu family committed suicide and came to Li Zicheng. A few days later, it was heard that Li Zicheng also ran away, and the princes of the Eight Banners came to kill all the descendants of the Zhu family. Later, the princes of the Eight Banners also changed their surnames like dogs and became people with their tails. So the people in Beijing have a good attitude. How to say, seeing him rise from a high building, I saw him as a banquet guest, and I saw him as the mouth of the vegetable market. The inner storehouse is burnt into splendid ashes, and the sky street is covered with Gongqing’s bones. Therefore, even if the old Beijingers spend three or four thousand yuan a month, they still enjoy their daily life. They are not happy now, but they are always virtuous.
Of course, the more important thing is the sense of security. We have not much experience to follow in the future. We have a history of several thousand years, but we have not much experience in modern life.
This is because our present living condition has not lasted for long. It will take 20 years to make a full calculation. If China’s accession to the WTO is taken as a turning point, it will be 21 years now. The problem is that in the past 21 years, it will not be easy for us to live immediately after China’s accession. It may be around 2007.
In this process, we have experienced continuous currency devaluation. If the rich people did not buy houses decisively more than ten years ago, they would probably be washed away by inflation. When we all realize that the value of the house is the best, the real estate market will come to an end. No one can say whether inflation will continue and what is the best value. Everyone is a little confused. The first-line houses may maintain their value, but the threshold is high enough to be a ghost story. It is no surprise that in the next many years, 80% of the people’s houses have no prospects.
What is more frightening is that the quality of life of the parents may be too low, which has a negative impact on the new generation. The current fertility dilemma is more or less related to the low quality of life of the previous generation.
I read a wanzan article in Zhihu before, but it disappeared. However, the ideas in that article are now active on almost all social platforms. It was a reflection on college students. He reflected on his parents’ life. They had no high education, no outstanding ability, no happiness, and no profound thoughts and experience. They worked hard to give their children a good life, but they did not do well. They could not give their children any useful advice. They tried their best, but it was useless. In addition, I have accumulated too much negative energy at ordinary times, and I dare not show it to others outside. After I go home, I leave it to my family.
The author thinks that it is not easy for parents, but he also expresses that he does not thank them because they are unable to let their children live a better life, but they have brought their children into the world. He can not appreciate it. He feels that he has no advantages in his life, is neither smart nor passionate, and more importantly, he has no motivation to practice those new skills. He is too weak in heart, can not bear failure, is afraid of disappointment, and is not promising by visual observation, The only thing he can do is not to let his children suffer again, so he will not have children anyway.
There is a sentence at the end of the article, which is very heartbreaking. He said that he thanked his parents for having endured hardships for so many years, but he would not give birth in the next life.
When I saw this, I wanted to enlighten him, but later I found that I couldn’t say anything. In recent years, I have contacted many young people in Japan and South Korea, and found that their thinking is basically the same. I know that I am not smart and have no internal driving force. I tried it and found that it really doesn’t work, so I prepared to take the initiative in birth control. I don’t know whether this kind of thinking in China was imported from Japan and South Korea, or some people in China realized it themselves. Anyway, in East Asia, more and more people began to have this kind of thinking. In their own words, this is called “after accepting the reality that they are a waste, the world is wide.”.
I found that there was no good way to solve the problems he said. East Asia was like this. There were many people and few resources, and they rolled each other to death. In the end, except for a small number of roll kings, most people lived like that. Now, the same problem has developed, that is, everyone is no longer alive.
Speaking of this, you may think that I have any way to solve it. To be honest, no, not only I have not. I have read the articles of other people over the past few years on how to prevent young people from rolling up and how to prevent young people from not having children. To be honest, I think they are not sure to convince themselves.
However, after giving up looking for solutions, you find that there are ways to improve many things. It’s like you can’t change your appearance, but you can be a little thinner, a little cleaner, and look less bad.
For example, why are some people so fragile that they dare not try anything. I have observed that many people have a misunderstanding. They always think that if the goal is set higher, they can achieve a second-class result in the end. If the goal is too low, even if it is achieved, it is nothing.
However, psychological research shows that “goals” should not be set arbitrarily. If you are in a state where goals can never be achieved for a long time, you will gradually lack motivation and internal drive mentally, and your mind will be as vulnerable as a beaten child. The first thing you think about is retreat and failure.
I dare not even try my best, because if I use my best and fail in the end, I have to admit that I am a fool, which is very difficult for everyone. It is a bit like “habitual abortion”. The set goals are often not achieved, and gradually the subconscious also falls into a kind of “habitual abandonment”, not to mention the big goals, even the small goals can not be achieved.
By the same token, many parents’ education for their children is also a kind of “strike education”. They think that high standards can achieve a high level, and they want to get beautiful results. However, the success rate is almost the same as the probability of making money in big a shares.
A few years ago, I saw an interview with a top coach. He said that his work has two points: splitting goals for athletes, splitting goals with great difficulty into small goals with little difficulty, and then correcting small problems of athletes in the training process. People’s confidence and will are the results of training, and they need to be “fed” through the achievement of small goals. Some people are always in a serious mood of defeatism, which may be natural. However, the probability is that the goals set by the day after tomorrow are too high, and they can not complete any of them, and their emotions are broken.
As for some people who hope to make themselves happy through continuous shopping, it is even more impractical. There is a word in psychology called “focus on illusion”. That is to say, when you place an order to buy something, you tend to overestimate the impact of that thing on your life, thinking that life will be greatly different after buying it. After a few days, you will gradually forget that you have bought such a thing. In other words, consumption can bring short-term expectation and happiness, but the long-term effect is very poor. There is a saying that the pleasure of a yacht owner is only two days, the day he buys it and the day he sells it.
However, for things like reading, walking and traveling, the short-term happiness value is very low, but like the trickle, it will gradually accumulate into a huge base. Experience is the real source of happiness, not a commodity. So go for a walk, make friends, do something you haven’t done before, and make sure you get something.
In many of us, there is no other state, either gold or garbage. If you persist in thinking like this, you may stand out, but you won’t be very happy. It is more likely that you will sweep yourself into the garbage and abandon yourself.
So what I want to say is that people should learn to accept that they are just a screw. They should accept that they are ordinary people. If they can not compare, they should not compare. You are only responsible for their own happiness and happiness. If the cake can make you happy, eat the cake. If the movie can make you happy, watch the movie. However, control the rhythm. After all, if it is too frequent, the only happiness left may be gone.
And for the struggle, don’t try your best. It’s best to do eight parts, and the remaining two parts are to pursue happiness and happiness in life. After all, this is the purpose of life itself. My experience is that only by doing so can we run long and far. If we are prepared to pursue a certain goal at the expense of all our lives, we will most likely fail to achieve both.
When people make plans, it is easy to think that they will be the “two” in the “law of 28”, but often the result is “eight”. It’s not to keep everyone pessimistic, but to think clearly if the final result is that “eight”, can it be accepted. I also want to understand that after this, my attitude has changed greatly.
So, if you become the king of the scroll, congratulations. If you can’t move the scroll, don’t be too harsh. After all, this is the end of most people. Fortunately, you don’t need to be the scroll king to live a good life. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take your time, lower your expectations and goals. For example, when learning some new skills, first ask yourself how long it should take for an ordinary person. It’s not sure how long it will take. That’s how I learned many new skills.
As for the economy, don’t worry too much. It’s useless to worry. From the perspective of civilization history, the economy was stagnant 99% of the time. Only in the last hundred and eighty years has it developed rapidly. In other words, when the economy stagnates, it is just a matter of time? I’ll go on like this.
Of course, stagnation is the bottom line, and the situation is not so bad now. LAN Xiaohuan said that the economy is moving forward, and China can no longer be closed. As long as it keeps moving forward and opening up, nothing will happen. The epidemic will end, and confidence will return. Once you accept the setting of “looking while walking”, there will be nothing to tangle with in your life.
Moreover, we should not take “asset appreciation” as a matter of course. We should not even think about how to make assets outperform inflation every day. A few days ago, I saw a sentence: “very few people go bankrupt because of inflation. Basically, they go bankrupt because of inflation”.
In recent years, there have been several such cases. Some senior executives are too old to stay in the job market, and they take several million yuan to leave the job. They feel very tangled. If these millions are deposited in the bank, they worry that they will not be worth anything in 20 years, just like the million yuan account more than 30 years ago.
In the end, I couldn’t help but invest in value-added, and soon lost everything. Some people actually made money at the beginning, became very bold and confident, and felt that they were a god of stocks. Then they not only lost their capital, but also owed some.
The common feature of them is that they have made enough money and then continue to find a class.
After losing money, these people have finally realized their life. It is better to invest in a knitting machine, save more and less money in the bank, and then continue to find a class? Look, you don’t need to spend money to learn this key knowledge. If they had realized earlier that they would be “the majority of the losers”, the result might not have been so bad. The funny thing is that most people think they will be a small number of people, which is a paradox.
At the end of the article, I would like to sum up a few sentences.
Our life has been much better than before, but we often fall into the trap of infinite comparison and consumerism. We always think that happiness is obtained by being better than others or by buying more goods. In this way, we are neither happy nor better than others.
Ordinary people recognize where their boundaries are, especially those who are no longer young. They should be more grateful for life and less harsh. When setting goals, they should be one inch lower. By accumulating one small achievement after another, they can regain the sense of control. If you are still young, you should do so.
The articles are basically written in one breath. There are often wrong characters. I can’t find them myself. I’m sorry to bother others to find them. Let’s make do with it. If you think it’s not bad, just like it